She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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