that's an acceptable place to lick
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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