I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
