1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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