I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
