Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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