he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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