i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
