You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
