ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
