I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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