I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
