So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
