Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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