How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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