She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
