Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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