Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
