So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
