Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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