i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
