Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
