thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
