i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
