The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
