wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
