why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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