omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
