I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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