did you get engaged???
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
