And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
then he tried to convert me to islam
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
