watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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