Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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