Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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