Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
