some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
