youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
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