at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
