She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
