Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
