Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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