I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So many bounce houses so little time
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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