in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
