I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
