he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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