At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
