So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
