so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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