i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
