Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
