Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
