he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
