pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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