I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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